A Recommended Rewrite

AT&T Internet Services Security Auto-Response

June 20, 2006

Note to AT&T/SBC Global: This is the AT&T/SBC Global abuse complaint auto-response:

THIS IS AN AUTO-RESPONSE MESSAGE - PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE.

Thank you for your recent message to AT&T Internet Services.

To serve you better, we have established a web-based system to respond to all complaints and inquiries regarding our Terms of Service and Acceptable Use Policy. We can no longer respond to each individual communication sent to this email address. So if you require a response from us, we ask that you please utilize the following URL to report Abuse of Service:

http://help.sbcglobal.net/servabuse.php

All messages sent via the web form will be answered within two (2) business days.

If you are an AT&T Internet customer with questions or concerns about your Internet Service, please visit our online help pages at:

http://help.sbcglobal.net/article.php?item=5641

You can review a variety of Security topics including measures you can take to help prevent Internet abuse and for information on downloading the all-in-one security software suite.

[...]

Thank you,
AT&T Internet Services Policy Enforcement

Please do not reply to this e-mail, as it will go to an unmonitored mailbox.

SAFETY NOTE: AT&T Internet Services cares about Internet safety. We have included "clickable" links in this email as a convenience. Please note that it is always safer to copy and paste URLs included in emails directly into your browser to reach the referenced site. Learn more about ensuring a safe Internet experience at: sbc.com/safety. The safety of your computer depends on your staying up to date on the latest service packs and updates available to you. To find out more, please visit: http://help.sbcglobal.net/article.php?item=5140.

You may want to update this message for accuracy and correctness. Something like this would be much more what you are trying to say: (or at least what this message conveys to recipients)

THIS IS AN AUTO-RESPONSE MESSAGE - PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE.

Thank you for your recent message to AT&T Internet Services.

To demonstrate our lack of customer service and to clearly demonstrate our support of the spammers on our network, and to further inconvenience those who have already been inconvenienced by the spammers and phishers we are harboring on the AT&T network, we have established a form on a web site that you have no way of knowing about until after you have been twice inconvenienced by AT&T and our spammers. Since you emailed us like a responsible internet user, we may or may not be bothered to pay attention to your complaint, because we really don't care about your complaint (AT&T would rather inconvenience you repeatedly than actually take action or demonstrate our good internet citizenship). If you want us to actually pay attention to your complaint, we recommend that you further inconvenience yourself (after all, it was YOU who received this spam or phishing email, not us, just because we support the people who sent it does not mean that we should be the ones inconvenienced by it) and fill out a hard to find, not listed in the headers of the email message we sent, obscure, web form, rather than expecting us to comply with the RFC for email. After all, we're AT&T, and the standards do not apply to us.

We hope to be of further inconvenience in the future.

Sincerely,

AT&T User Inconvenience and Network Abuse Promotions Department

This will greatly help to clarify your messages to users and your apparent stance on customer support and abuse control.